.frustration.

if i had to describe the first three weeks of my second year at Taylor in one word, it would be:

frustrating.

in more ways than one, for many various reasons. but so much has been frustrating.

-loving all (or most) of my classes, but being frustrated with a HUGE homework load
-loving being back here where it's finally starting to feel like home, but missing "home" home. so badly.
-wanting to get started in the theater and being excited for a new show, but STILL waiting on designs (grr.....cory....)
-loving our airband song but struggling to get people to make good on their word to be at rehearsals
-accepting that things are different this year for the right reasons, but fighting hard the temptation to go back to "the good ol days"

maybe, if i was allowed another word, it would be conflicting, for all the same reasons mentioned above. when i came back to taylor i had a sense of relief, almost, and i fell eagerly into the hugs that awaited me from friends i hadn't seen or heard from (stupid camp) all summer. i was just so grateful to be 'moving on' from the summer to a place that was already familiar to me. but then again i had this apprehension, because i knew that things would be different this year. and not necessarily always in a good way. it seems to be inevitable to experience the good without the bad.

and the worst part is, as i look to next year (yes i do realize it's only september) with a hope that maybe things will resolve by then, all i can see is more holes in my life than ever....and i'm not sure i really like that change of scene.......