i did a lot of sitting in class and meetings and alone in the study room/my room and not a lot of people-interacting. that's not very me-like and i'm not sure why today was the way it was other than that i was just really pensive today.
things have changed. i'm not sure what, how or when. but they've changed.
a place i once called home, a place in which i felt comfortable, a place that missed me when i was gone....is now a place that i feel like i don't fit in anymore. it's still home, and it's still where i come back to at the end of the day. but when i'm gone, it doesn't miss me anymore. and somehow, selfishly, that hurts.
for most of this change i have no one to blame but myself, and the friendships and memories i've gained in the process are most definitely not something i regret. but sometimes i want to go back...to the days when i'd get a phone call, text or email wondering what i was up to and where i was. but i've become too predictable. the assumed forecast for my current location is consistently "away" and if i just happen to show up it's no more than a pleasant surprise.
if you're reading this and you're a part of what i'm talking about, please don't take offense. i still love you all dearly and i still very much enjoy your company. i'm almost glad that you don't get mad or frustrated anymore when i'm gone all the time. cuz i do enjoy the other part of my life as well.
i just wish that sometimes....you would miss the missing piece...and ask me to come back and complete the picture.
2 comments:
so, i don't really know what exactly you're talking about, but I do understand the concept exactly. Because I'm in Germany for the entire month of February and I find myself avoiding BFA, simply because everyone else has moved on. It's weird, because I never think of that...I always just assume everything will be how it used to be. And sometimes it sucks that its not. I miss you Jesse!! I'll get my butt down to Taylor one of these days...like next fall :P
-Heidi
Hi, thanks again for sharing your thoughts. I hope it's not weird that I'm commenting even though I haven't met you:) Anyways, I think I know somewhat what you mean by wanting people to miss you...not an easy place to be in, with the transition that it brings. I hope that the new will be a comfort even while the old has to change. Take care,
Sarah
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